Dear Reader: Let’s Talk about Wild Horse Sex

Dear reader who found my blog by searching for wildhorsesex,


You were really searching for wildhorsesex?


I mean, what reason could you possibly have for searching for wild horse sex?*

Are you interested in wild horses, or just how they mate? Perhaps you were wandering through the woods, stumbled upon a boombox playing “Let’s Get it On” and saw a couple filly’s snuggled together. Did you think, “hmmm, what comes next?” and then immediately google it to find out?

Or maybe you’re taking a trip to Assateague and want to know the warning signs on when the horses are feeling frisky so that you can cover your child’s eyes and run away?

If that’s the case, the magical search engines must have sent you my way for a reason. In July 2011 I actually witnessed wild horse sex. And wrote about it, of course, because that’s what bloggers do.

Here’s what I said then (if you’re too lazy or uninterested to read through the entire link and just want me to get to the good stuff. Sicko):

“The next day, the sea air put another horse in an amorous mood and I’m sad to say I witnessed horse sex from way closer than I ever would have wanted. And no, I don’t have a picture of that. Lea tried to get her camera out in time and run over to take a picture, but I sat on my blanket and laughed so hard that I started crying.”

So, I hope that quenched your thirst for knowledge. Sorry I didn’t take a picture for you. Actually, no I’m totally not sorry. It was gross and horrifying and now the image is stuck back in my mind. Thanks so much random reader.

You know what though; maybe we’re more alike that I initially thought. The other day I was randomly wondering how squirrels do it.

Not because squirrel schlong turns me on or anything. I’m not exactly sure what kind of person gets turned on by squirrel relations, but it’s definitely not me. I don’t know how the thought in my head even got there, it just did. I’m kind of a curious person.

Anyways, I whipped out my iphone and searched for “how do squirrels have sex”…

And you know what?

I’m not even the first person who has searched for that. The browser totally suggested the end of my question once I started with “how do squirrels…” so that’s kind of weird. Right?

Anyways, who would have ever guessed that the very first result would be a blog post called “Squirrels masturbate to avoid sexually transmitted infections.” Are you fascinated? Well, I totally was. And that is how I found myself clicking on various links to learn about squirrel sex.

So to my wildhorsesex reader, maybe you were just curious like I was. Or maybe you’ve got some kind of sick fetish. Probably one or the other.

Oh and speaking of curiosity. I’m sure you’re now curious to know the answer to how squirrels have sex…

{drumroll please}
The male displays his nuts.

Okay, that was totally a joke. Are you laughing? Well, I’m laughing so let’s just pretend that you let a little snicker out too.


* And yes, I realized halfway through this rant that now anyone else who is searching for wild horse sex or even wildhorsesex will come to my blog. If this is you and you’re looking for some sort of instructions on how to entice wild horses to mate so that you can watch, please leave now. Just leave.

Like what you see? Share me with your friends!