Category: Family

It’s no secret that I was totally in shock at having a baby 8 weeks early with pretty much no warning or preparation.

After my surprise party of labor, leaving our son at the hospital was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Nothing prepares you for going into the hospital with a pregnant belly and then coming out a few days later with no belly and no baby to bring home. It was a bit surreal that I’d had a baby but really had nothing to show for it.

Every day since Jack was born, I’ve been keeping track of every little bit of his progress and hoping for the day he could finally come home. I’ve been worrying about my dwindling time off from work and counting down the days I have at home before I need to go back to the office.

Last week, one of the nurses said that it was possible that Jack could come home this week or next. However, another nurse cautioned me against getting my hopes up because he was still so young. It was possible that they might even keep him in the NICU until his original due date of April 13^th.

So, I kept myself tentatively hopeful. In my head, I thought it would be nice if he could come home this week, but it was more likely to be the end of next week once he reached 36 weeks of gestational age. To pass the time, I’ve been keeping myself busy with house projects and visiting Jack at the hospital every day.

This morning I received a call from the NICU, which of course scared the poo out of me once I saw the number show up on my caller ID. Thank god the news was good – according to our primary nurse, as long as everything continues to go well we will be able to bring Jack home on Thursday.

Thursday. Meaning the day after tomorrow.

Holy crap.

You would have thought that I had no idea that I’d be bringing a baby home at all by the way I ran around the house like a drunk chicken. I still had bottles to sterilize, diapers and formula to buy, a diaper bag to pack, and a car seat to install among so many other things.

But what was most shocking was the fact that my precious baby, who has been hooked up to monitors and watched 24 hours a day by professionals for the past three weeks, would be handed over to me.

They’re going to just hand my baby to me and let me leave with him. As if I have some idea of what the hell I’m doing.

For the first time since even thinking about conceiving a baby, I felt so unqualified to actually have one.

Yes, I know how to change diapers, feed and burp a baby – I had tons of experience with my sisters and brother. Granted, that was 20+ years ago, but I’m still pretty comfortable with the basics.

But this isn’t a sibling that I could hand off to my mom while escaping out the door. This is my kid. I’m the mommy and I’m the big cheese in charge.*

And I’m not too cool to admit that I’m scared I’m going to mess up.

* Except for the daddy of course, he’s also very much in charge. And very strong and manly too. Yeah.

So I was totally rocking my goal of posting a new blog 2 – 3 times each week… and then the crap hit the fan.

I had a baby.

Yes, I know I wasn’t due until April 13^th. And even with the cholestasis diagnosis, inducement wouldn’t have been until mid-March. However, apparently my son is just as headstrong and stubborn as I am because he decided to be born in February.

To say that we weren’t prepared would be a massive understatement.

We just moved into our new house two weeks prior, so most of our rooms have boxes in them. In fact, the crib wouldn’t fit out of the room I had built it in, so it was in pieces on the floor of the baby’s new room.

Here’s how it all went down:

Monday, February 13^th
Around noon
I was at work and feeling kind of crampy. I checked thebump.com, googled Braxton Hicks contractions and emailed a couple mommy friends to see if what I felt was normal. It appeared to be totally typical, so I ignored it and went along with my day.

After work
We had no food in the house, so I went to the grocery store on my way home from work. At this point I started feeling a little worse, but just chalked it up to the fact that I absolutely hate going to the grocery store and would much rather be sitting on my couch eating homemade macaroni and cheese.

Around 10:00 pm
I still felt like poo, so I called my sister-in-law who is an ER nurse to see if she thought I was having Braxton Hicks contractions. She thought it sounded like a typical case of false labor, so I figured I was being a wimp and went to bed.

10:00 pm – 2:00 am
I couldn’t sleep – every time I turned onto my side my stomach would hurt. I finally got out of bed and moved to the couch to try and sleep at an angle. This didn’t help. At around 2 am I decided to start timing my cramps/contractions and found that they ranged from every 5 minutes to every 9 minutes. At 2:00 am I called the doctor who agreed that it sounded like Braxon Hicks contractions and advised me to drink a glass of water. If they didn’t lesson within an hour, I was to come to the hospital to be checked out.

Tuesday, February 14th
3:00 am
They did not get better and actually got a bit worse. I finally went upstairs to wake up my sleeping husband to take me to the hospital. He was so out of it that he didn’t really realize what I was saying and asked me if I wanted him to sleep for a couple more hours and then meet me at the hospital. Um, no. After laughing at him, I told him to get his butt up and take me to the hospital!

At this point it’s Valentine’s Day, so imagine my surprise when my husband pulls a HUGE stuffed animal and dozen roses out of the backseat of his truck. Bonus points to Travis!

4:00 am
While being checked out at the hospital, we find out that I am actually in labor. They give me a shot to try and stop/slow the contractions. Then, they give me two more. Finally, the contractions are slowed so they’re about to send me home. However, when they check and find out I’m 4 cm dilated they inform me that I’m now admitted and not allowed to leave the hospital until Jack is born. The doctor hopes its three weeks from now though, so I’ll be at the hospital on bedrest until then. They give me a steroid shot just in case, to help mature the baby’s lungs in case he’s born early.

At this point I freak out. I am not prepared to be in the hospital for weeks on end! I have work to do and a huge “to do” list at home of stuff that must get done before the baby comes! My amazing husband assures me that if I’m stuck there he’ll take care of everything for me.

All Day
No matter what drugs they throw at me to stop this labor, much like the honey badger, the baby doesn’t care. At this point, we’re just trying to hold off until 10:00 pm so that I can get the second steroid shot before the baby comes. I’m actually not really in much pain, but the medication they have me on mimics symptoms of the flu so I feel like crap.

10:00 pm – Midnight
YAY, we made it until 10:00 so they give me the second shot of steroids. By the end of the night I’m dilated to 8 cm, but still not feeling much pain. I decide to go ahead and get the epidural anyways, just in case it starts hurting.

Wednesday, February 15^th
5:45 am
I pop out a baby! My husband and mom were there with me (my brother and dad were in the waiting area) and it was honestly the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Jack Greyson Dellinger was born at 5:45 am, weighed 4 pounds 15 ounces, and is 18 inches long. They had to immediately take him away to check him, but we were able to hold him for about 5 minutes before he was moved to the NICU.

Jack has been in the NICU ever since, but we’ve been allowed to visit him as often as we like. I was in the hospital until Friday night, so I pretty much paced the hallways from my room to the NICU all day long.

Jack is doing awesome. Even though he was born at 31 ½ weeks, his lungs were fully developed and he doesn’t need a breathing tube. In fact, the nurses keep asking me if I’m sure how old he actually is, since he doesn’t act like a preemie. Although they won’t give me an exact timeline, Jack will most likely be at the hospital until he hits 36 weeks and can pass three tests (breathing, heart rate and eating), however it is possible that he may have to stay until his original due date of April 13^th. I hope not though – it breaks my heart every day when I leave him.

As for me, I’m feeling pretty great. All in all, I’m just mentally and physically exhausted. Every time I see Jack in the NICU, I pretty much burst into tears. Leaving him there at night is so incredibly hard, as I want to just grab him and run for the door.

I’d like to give a big “thank you” to all the family and friends who have been so wonderful with their prayers, well wishes, and sweet little baby gifts.

I’ve had lots of offers to visit, but at this point I’m feeling the urge to hibernate a bit. We’re keeping the number of visitors to the NICU down due to germs, so once Jack is able to come home we’ll have to have an open house day where all our friends and family can stop by if they’d like.

I’ll be sure to post updates here and on Facebook though so that you all don’t think I’ve fallen off the earth. And if you have an extra moment in your day, any prayers that Jack is able to leave the NICU as soon as possible are appreciated!