Chug, Chug, Chugging Along*

It kind of just hit me that we will be signing the final papers for our new house just TWO WEEKS from today. Only 14 days until what once felt like a far-fetched dream comes true and they hand us the keys to our very own single family home.

My husband and I have been talking about this dream home for so long, that at times it felt like it would never become reality. It took longer than we thought to finally sell our townhouse and then we had to wait until I found a new job so that we could qualify for a loan. But now, we’re so close I can almost taste it.**

Not that things have been smooth sailing for the last week.

We had our home inspection last Saturday. It mostly went really well, but there is no such thing as a home inspection without any issues to report. There were probably seven things on the list that he suggested we get fixed. Of those items, we decided to ask the sellers to take care of five (the other two are very easy for us to do on our own). Pretty much they need to hire a chimney guy and a roof guy to fix a couple things each.

A couple days later the tests that the inspector set in the basement came back as positive for radon. No big deal, radon is pretty prevalent in Carroll County and all the seller needs to do is install a mitigation system to fix the problem. It would cost them some money, but it wasn’t a deal breaker that would make us walk away from the house.

On Tuesday, we had our termite inspection (which went well) and our well/septic tank inspection.  Since nobody has been regularly living in the house, our water guy warned us that the water tests may come back as contaminated (since the water had been sitting stagnant in the well). Sure enough, the results were contaminated, which means that the sellers would have to pay to have the water chlorinated before settlement.

Yesterday afternoon our agent sent their agent our list of settlement requirements: the five items from the home inspectors list, mitigating the basement and chlorinating the well. There were only seven items, which would require the sellers to spend somewhere around $2,000. Not too bad for them, considering that we’re paying their full asking price (yes, we’re also getting seller help for settlement, but that’s pretty typical).

I should probably preface this next bit by saying that I had a very, very long day at work yesterday – about 13 hours straight. I’m 7 months pregnant and my back was killing me.

Ok, got the visual of my mood? Good.

I received an email from my agent last night while I was still working. It was an email forwarded from the sellers to their agent giving us a couple choices:

  1. They will take care of all seven of the items on the list.
  2. OR, they will take care of just two items on the list (the mitigation system and chlorinating the water), give us $200 and also leave the items on the attached list in the house for us when they move out.

Um, okay. Let’s peruse the list, shall we?

  • Mattress, box spring and bed frame from the guest room (does not include headboard)
  • 32” TV (not a flat screen, an old school box TV)
  • Snow shovels and snow melt bucket
  • Shelving in garage
  • Firewood in backyard
  • Mirror over fireplace
  • Touch up paint for all rooms
  • Spare humidifier screen
  • Screen for front door
  • All house ceiling fans
  • Office desk
  • Vacuum cleaners
  • Entry table and mirror
  • Lamp

I’m pretty sure my response was something like, “Are you F”*&(@ KIDDING ME?”

First off, I’m not really sure why they’re including touch up paint, a screen to an existing door and ceiling fans on that list. These things always go with the house (unless they are listed under exclusions in the contract). If we did our walk through and found that they had removed all four of the ceiling fans from the house, it would pretty much be the same as poking an angry pregnant bear. I would have ATTACKED!

Second, there is absolutely NOTHING on that list that we want. Why would someone think that we would trade about $1,000 worth of needed house work for a list that includes a TV that goodwill will not even take (they only take flat screens now) and some plastic shovels and a bag of snow salt? And are they really telling me that they’re going to take the firewood with them?? So pretty much, they save the effort of moving the worthless crap that they don’t want AND don’t have to pay for/hire someone to fix the things that we require?

In the words of Dr. Evil, “Riiiiiight”

After some furious texting back and forth with my agent, we got everything worked out. I told her to let them know that we appreciated their offer, however would prefer that they just complete all the items on the list. Yes, I had to put on my big girl pants to say that and not just dissolve into maniacal laugher at their insulting offer.

So, hopefully everything goes smoothly and they get everything completed before settlement. However, if I do a walk through on settlement day and there is anything missing from that house (aka, the ceiling fans, or doorknobs or something), I pity the fool that angered the crazy pregnant lady.


*I just realized that this title kind of makes it sound like I’m chugging beer or something. Rest assured, as delicious as a Blue Moon looks in a frosty glass with a perfectly cut orange hanging on the side, the only thing I’m chugging right now is water.

**I just recently re-watched the episode of How I Met Your Mother that references that Marshall will lick a plane before he flies to ensure that it won’t crash (and then licks Lily’s pregnant belly to make sure that the baby will be safe). Maybe I need to lick the new house?

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