My 11 Steps for Restarting an Exercise Program

25 Oct

1. Eat too much and gain a few pounds — just enough to make my muffin top demand my attention. Ignore this for a while.

2. Find myself wanting to run or exercise. Shove that thought down with a donut.

3. Decide that I’m going to start working out again. Grab my calendar to find some free time. Realize that I have NO free time and freak out (possibly with a donut).

4. Gain 1 more pound. Get angry at myself and decide that I will start on Saturday.

5. On Saturday, put on my workout clothes and then get distracted by the dust on my nightstand. Clean nightstand.

6. Workout once and post a picture on Facebook. And Instagram.

7. Get busy for 2 weeks.

8. Work out 2 days in a row and strut around the house like a sexy beast.

9. Exercise on and off for a month and watch my muffin top shrink. Strut around some more.

10. Get busy for 6 months and gain 5 pounds.

11. Rinse and repeat.

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15 Responses to “My 11 Steps for Restarting an Exercise Program”

  1. Words for Worms October 25, 2013 at 2:40 pm #

    You forgot self loathing and at least 2 good crying jags between numbers 5 and 6.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      Yeah, I could totally add some self loathing in there between each step…

  2. Ashley F October 25, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    You forgot general hatred for skinny 20 year olds that can skip lunch for a day and drop 5 lbs.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:39 am #

      RIGHT?! Or my husband who decides to ‘cut back’ by getting rid of ONE bad thing in his diet and immediately loses 10 pounds.

      • Melissa March 10, 2017 at 11:14 am #

        OMG YES! How can they do that! Ohh i’ll just cut out one Pepsi and drop 10 pounds. What?!

        You also forgot the many hours of internet searches for fast weight loss gimmicks.
        Melissa recently posted…Seriously the worst.My Profile

  3. Michelle October 25, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    I can add nothing to this except that this is exactly my philosophy/plan.

    • Quirky Chrissy October 25, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

      And staring at yourself in the mirror, thinking, “God. How am I paying for Weight Watchers? I’ve lost 3 pounds in 3 times as many months. Maybe I should work out. And count points more than once per week.”

      • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:38 am #

        YES! I tried Weight Watchers once and I pretty much just avoided putting my points in EVER!

  4. Kari October 25, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

    Its like you are watching my life from outside the window.

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:38 am #

      I am. Now hand me out a glass of wine and turn up the TV so I can hear…

  5. Jenny October 26, 2013 at 12:01 am #

    You need to download Zombies, Run! On the iphone the app is about $4 (which is expensive for an app) But it is totally worth it! I’ve ran 3 times this week and I keep wanting to run because I want to complete the missions and run from zombies. I’m not even into the whole zombie culture, but the app is very motivating!

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      I actually despise zombies and the whole zombie-culture thing happening right now, so I don’t think that this program would work for me. Maybe if there was one where I could run towards hot guys? I’d chase down David Beckham any day!

  6. shecando October 26, 2013 at 6:32 am #

    Story of my life! This time I’m going to break the habit with my Summer Challenge!

    • JoulesDellinger October 28, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      What is the Summer challenge? And you know it’s fall, right… 😉

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