A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a friend who I haven’t seen nearly enough of in the last year or so. In our excited babble of catching up, she blurted out that she was surprised that I was the “same person” and that motherhood hasn’t really seemed to change me.
What’s funny is that this wasn’t the first time someone has said this to me since I had my son.
It seems to come mostly from my single friends, but it’s as if once I popped a baby out of my hooha I was supposed to suddenly become this different person. I don’t know who… maybe some kind of crazed woman who wears eyeliner on just one eye and is only interested in talking about playgroups and the contents of a baby’s diaper?
You’re probably rolling your eyes at how stereotypical that sounds, but honestly isn’t it just weird that you are expected to change into a different person, just because you created one?
Frankly, there ARE a few ways I’ve changed since having Jack.
I now realize that there is no shame in the game of understanding that work is just work. After spending the first 15 years of my career climbing as quickly as I could to the top, it’s rather nice to sit back and do my job without that GO-GO-GO feeling nipping at my heels.
Most of the time, I don’t feel guilty when I say ‘no’ to someone. My time is valuable to me and it’s valuable to my family, so I will always choose my husband and son over pretty much ANYTHING else.
Having my son helped me realize the importance of having quality friends, over just having a large quantity of friends. It hurt to realize that some of the people I thought were in my life for the long haul were actually just “takers” who faded away. However, while I may mourn the death of those relationships, I will not beat myself up over the fact that they are over.
So how haven’t I changed? Well, lots of ways… apparently. I still like to shower on a regular basis and have pretty toenails even though I guess some people feel like a mom shouldn’t spend a moment on herself. Also, I’m still not what you would call a “kid person.” Don’t get me wrong, I love MY kid. I just don’t have that love that some people have for ALL kids. It’s totally okay when my own kid gets me all sticky, tries to yank my necklace off my neck and babbles on constantly. However, if someone else’s kid gets all up in my personal space, I’ll probably make an excuse to get up and move to somewhere less, um… sticky.
There you have it – I’m a mom AND I’m still me. Earth shattering, isn’t it?
Tell me, how are you still the same as you were before kids? How did you change?