This Morning

One of the worst things about being a working mom is that it is so freaking hard to get out of the house in the morning. I try to prepare the night before the best I can – setting out clothes for both Jack and me, making my lunch, taking showers at night on super early mornings… but still, I fail and fail and fail again at getting out of the house on time.

For example, let’s take this morning…

My alarm went off and I spent about 10 minutes scrolling through my phone before getting out of bed. I brush my teeth, put in my contacts, slap some makeup on and try a new dry shampoo paste thing in my hair. Then, I get dressed and take my quickie outfit picture for Instagram.

Everything is going well so far.

I poke my head into Jack’s room and tell him it’s time to wake up as I walk down the hall to grab up my things and set them by the door. I walk by again a few minutes later and hear the faint sound of whining coming from a burrito of covers on top of his bed. Sometimes I put a song on my phone and leave while it plays to give him some time to get out of bed, but today we don’t have time so I unwrap him and try to sweet talk him to get up and dressed.

Doesn’t work.
The whining is strong this morning.

While he is laying there like a lump, I grab off his pajama pants and then his shirt. I basically shove him out of the room to the bathroom while he yells that the light is too bright (there are no lights on, just a nightlight). When he stumbles back into his room, I throw his shirt over his head and he yells that the neck of the shirt is squeezing his brains out of his head. It’s not.

Then, he decides that he doesn’t like the pair of underpants I set out with his outfit so he walks over to his underpants drawer and stares at it. For like 5 minutes. I think I had to start counting in a threatening voice to get him to move again, when he finally pulled out two pairs of underpants. He put them on the floor next to each other, turned them over so he could see the design on the butt and then gave a heavy sigh as he stared at them to determine which pair would be the perfect underpants to wear today.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

First off, they are both Jake and the Pirates. So they are basically the same freaking pair of underpants. Second, WHO CARES what underpants you wear to school?!

At this point I have to leave the room so that I don’t turn into a screaming banshee. After I did some deep breathing exercises in the hallway, Jack finally wandered out fully dressed but with no socks. When I asked him where the socks went that I set out, he whined that they were dirty and he wasn’t going to wear them. They were not dirty. Sigh.

Okay, so he’s moving towards the door… this thing is almost over. But, I still need to let Ollie outside for his morning pee, throw some food in his bowl, put a pack of oatmeal in my purse for my glamorous breakfast, and grab a pack of mini pancakes to microwave for Jack. That’s right, he has poked for so long that we no longer have time for him to sit at the table to eat breakfast before we leave. I also didn’t get a chance to make myself coffee. DAMN IT. Two minutes later and Jack has a baggie of pancakes in his hand as we are racing out the door.

It’s a 20 minute drive to his school, then another hour or so to my Rockville work location. I was 30 minutes late to work. Again. And I just realized he didn’t brush his teeth.

He’s almost 5. This gets easier soon, right?!

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10 thoughts on “This Morning”

  1. I can’t remember if you listen to podcasts, but you might like One Bad Mother…. I think they’ve talked about this. It’s a comedy parenting podcast and there is an amazing online Facebook group too.
    Anyways…. I swear there is an episode that deals with this problem….

  2. My son is 3 and I keep hoping 4 will be the year we turn this around. Sometimes I feel like I have the slowest kid in the world. He wakes up late, purposely waits to use the bathroom and then drags his feet as I’m running around the house like a crazy person. On rare occasions he’ll wake up early enough so my husband can take him to school and I get a moment of peace but the vast majority of mornings are just like your’s. One thing that has helped my sanity is keeping a big pitcher of iced coffee in the refrigerator. That way there’s never a possible issue of no coffee in the morning. I usually just have it cold but sometimes I’ll heat it up in the microwave, I use a Chemex coffee maker so it reheats pretty well. On the weekends I try to make a big batch of breakfast burritos that I freeze and we all eat for breakfast most day, fairly travel friendly and that way I don’t have to wait until I get to work (late) to eat breakfast.

    1. When my husband would take him on his way to work, it worked out great that I’d get him ready, shove them out the door and then take care of myself. Now that my husband has a new job, he’s gone by 6… which makes things much more hectic!

  3. It does get easier! One thing that REALLY helped me out was giving my oldest an alarm clock. She is in charge of turning it on at night. When it goes off in the morning, she and her sister take turns going potty and getting dressed. By the time I am ready, I usually only have to help with hair and teeth. If he has such strong opinions about his clothes, I would have him get out at least the socks and underwear the night before. Kids can do amazing things once we give them a chance (I always have a hard time remembering to let them give it a try)!

      1. She started using it when she started kindergarten. I looked for one that would be the easiest to turn off vs. asthetics. I still need to hustle them along sometimes, but it has been a vast improvement! It has totally saved us a few times too, like yesterday when my husband accidently set our alarm for pm.

  4. Oh my! Hahahahahahaha! I have to laugh because I so can relate! However, I have a strong-willed 2 year old so half the time she’s just screaming and I can’t figure out what the problem is. The worst part of your story is the lack of coffee! The. Worst. I hope tomorrow morning is better 🙂

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