You guys. I love Nordstrom and I especially love me some Nordstrom Rack. However, every year I am just SO COMPLETELY OVER hearing about the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.
I get it. Fashion bloggers need to make money through referral links, so they try to post as many things as possible to get the clicks happening. But ohmygod, people…have some restraint please! For the past couple weeks I’ve been seeing nothing but 10-part blog series’ on everything I just HAVE to buy and a million Instagram posts asking me to use that stupid like-it program so that I can then have their referral links emailed to me.
No. NO. NOPE
Last year I complained about it (in a post that was retweeted by Nordstrom, which makes me totally laugh) and if you want you can read it here. But this year, I decided to go a different route. Since nobody is going to shut up about the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale until August, I might as well do what I do best… make fun of it.
So I scoured the sale and narrowed down 5 items that I think are just so god-awful butt ugly that I had to share them with you. And to nip those comments in the bud, YES, I know someone is going to think I’m totally insane because they absolutely love the item. Sorry about that. Obviously there is SOMEBODY out there who made the item, approved the item, and purchased the item for Nordstrom to sell. I still think it’s ugly.
Item #1: Frame Le Nouveau Split Hem Jeans
What Nordstrom has to say about them: London-leaning swagger combined with the quality of the LA denim industry produces a pair of trend-right jeans patched together from two pieces of medium-wash denim finished with split, released hems. Price $269, on sale for $179.
What I have to say about them: These jeans are sold out. SOLD OUT. That means that so many people enjoyed the fact that they have a stupid split up the front of them that they bought out the entire pre-sale inventory. What. The. Hell. I actually like the color of the jeans and the fit at the top, but I can just imagine my jeans flapping all over the place as I walk around. I’m going to give these a big NOPE, but I’m sure you’ll see all sorts of fashion blogger types wearing them while staring wistfully at a brightly colored wall.
What Nordstrom has to say about it: A gossamer high/low hem adds a sense of moody romance to this berry-hued satin crepe blouse styled with breezy bell sleeves that feel very of the moment. Price: 345.00, on sale for $229.90.
What I have to say about it: I love that they describe this monstrosity of a top as having a sense of moody romance, because if I had paid over $200 for this top (and that’s the SALE price) and looked basically like I’m wearing a cranberry-colored bed skirt, I’d be quite moody too. I’m all for wearing a tutu for a good run, but this is like a tutu and an ill-fitting silk blouse had a one-night stand and everyone involved ended up with a STD.
Item #3: Chelsea28 Mixed Media Sweatshirt
What Nordstrom has to say about it: Artfully ruffled mesh adds unexpected, fashion-forward texture to a comfy heather-knit top that’s anything but basic. Price $69.00, on sale for $45.90.
What I have to say about it: Oh look, it’s the cheaper little sister version of the last top! Have designers just totally run out of ideas? What on earth would make someone think that they should start with a sweatshirt and then cut out a chunk and sew on a tuft of mesh? It kind of reminds me of those ‘shark bite’ shirts you could buy at the beach that had weird holds in them. But, in this case someone tried to stop the bleeding with wads of toilet paper.
Item #4: Topshop Spliced Poplin Shirt
What Nordstrom has to say about it: Fine tailoring is given a fun-house makeover with tilted details, tied slit cuffs and an open-shoulder design to complement the breezy cotton poplin. Price $60.00, on sale for $39.90
What I have to say about it: Giving a shirt a “fun-house makeover” is right, because this is a ridiculous clown shirt! It almost looks like a button-up shirt was turned backwards, but instead there is a huge gap at the top (to show off those shoulders that everyone is currently so wild about) and oversized, yet tied, cuffs. It’s just SO UGLY it hurts my eyes. Seriously.
Item #5 Topshop Tie Sleeve Shirt
What Nordstrom has to say about it: Get all tied up in airy cotton and classic style with this essential solid shirt detailed with ties at the sleeve slits and back. Price $68.00, on sale for $44.90.
What I have to say about it: Are you out of your f*#king mind? Actually, now that I think about it the back view does look remarkably similar to a straitjacket, so the answer may be yes. Even in that case, there is no reason for this “shirt” and yes, I brought in the quote marks because it is so awful I’m not even sure I can call it a shirt. And yes, I know that these weird shirts are a thing that some people like. I recently saw a blogger who was ALL about this one and I totally just don’t get it. At all.
So, be honest… do you think I’m crazy because you actually love one of these items? Are you with me in being totally sick of hearing about the sale?
Disclaimer: This post is not sponsored by Nordstrom. Duh. And yes, I totally included ShopStyle links in this post because this girl’s got to pay for her donut habit somehow (at no cost to you).